I’ve been quarantining in my home for two and a half months. At the end of April, the governor declared that we will continue to shelter in place for another month, which I’m not surprised about. In my mind, I already expected this to happen and prepared for the worst. As a result, I’m able to control my emotions and continue life as it is.
Two months ago, I felt completely different as COVID-19 spread rapidly and the nation enforced “shelter in place”. During that time, as I watched and read the news, shock and denial hit me in the face. I couldn’t believe that thousands of people were sick and dying from COVID-19. How could a virus take someone’s life in an instant? Could it take my life or my family’s life? I gripped myself with fear that my family or I could get infected with COVID-19. How could I protect myself and my loved ones from this horrible disease? We were told the only way to protect myself was to quarantine at home and not have physical contact with the rest of the world.
In March, each of my weekend plans canceled as I received calls and emails about COVID-19. When I received the first email about the possibility that a scheduled retreat would be canceled, I hung onto a little glimpse of hope that this wouldn’t happen; I really needed some alone time out in the woods. A few days before the retreat, I received the devastating email that it was canceled. Soon enough, I crossed off every fun activity on my calendar. I really looked forward to my schedule of events and celebrations each weekend of March. Though I wasn’t physically infected with COVID-19, it surely infected my calendar. It was if a huge storm appeared and washed away my social life!
Not only was it difficult to deal with my own emotions of canceling my plans, I hated to break bad news to others that events were being cancelled. For the past few months, I spent a lot of time and energy planning a gala for the nonprofit, Celebrate You Coaching. As the CEO and I made the hard decision to cancel the gala, for the safety of our guests, I was the person to break the news to many. It was really frustrating to postpone the gala to an unknown date in the future. As I typed the email, I struggled hitting the send button because I felt like I’d let people down, but it was totally out of my control.
I’d also planned a birthday party for a good friend. The month prior, we discussed the party details and my friend was so excited to celebrate her birthday with her friends. It broke my heart to burst her happy bubble with disappointment when I called to tell her we’d have to cancel her birthday party.
The cancelling of events and weekend plans caused me to become angry. And most annoying was that my only option for fun on the weekends was being trapped at home with nothing to do! How was I going to survive quarantine? What would I do to fulfill this empty time in my life?
I used to be in control of my life and enjoyed planning celebrations, events or time with friends and family. Instead, I didn’t have control over anything. While I’m not usually a person who cries, I felt so hopeless and powerless. I allowed myself to release the tears and emotions that I held on to. A part of my soul experienced great loss; the joy from interacting with others was ripped out of my heart.
As time passed, I’ve learned to live a new normal. Every single one of us have been thrown into many life changes because of COVID-19. We have all struggled together through the emotional ups and downs. I’ve accepted the fact life might be different and we can’t go back to the way it was before COVID-19. Social distancing has been a new word added to my vocabulary. I can’t go out to spend time with friends and family like I used to. My so-called social calendar has been filled with seeing and talking to people on a computer or phone screen. I wouldn’t have chosen this way to communicate with others because it feels very impersonal. It’s difficult because I love the personal connection and interaction that you get from seeing one another in person. Sadly enough, I had to accept this new way of communicating or potentially lose the connection I had with others.
One thing that has helped me during shelter in place is prayer. This was something that I could control and not feel hopeless nor powerless. As COVID-19 took many things away from me, COVID-19 did not prevent me from faithfully praying. It encouraged me to strengthen my prayer life. As a result, some friends and I decided to faithfully pray every night for COVID-19 and for one other. We formed a virtual prayer group where we could check-in with one other, making sure we were all sane. We also prayed for whatever was on our heart. Some of the topics we have prayed for include praying for the sick, healthcare workers, the vulnerable, the unemployed, our leaders, students, families, church, and the nations. By praying, I feel powerful and hopeful! By praying, I am sure I will survive this season of COVID-19 and so will you! Stay well, stay safe!
