Happy Valentine’s Day and Happy 4th Birthday to Light Shine Brightly! Today is Valentine’s Day, a day of love and celebration, but it’s also the day that my family buried my dad seven years ago. Within a year after his death, I lost my confidence and identity unexpectedly. About two years after his death was when I received my voice back again and I finally became a whole person again. During that year, I tried really hard to find myself and create a new identity again, which was one of the hardest journey I ever taken, but I finally found myself again! Because of that, I wanted to encourage and inspire others. That was how my blog, Light Shine Brightly, was born and I debuted this blog on Valentine’s Day in 2017. Thank you for reading and being a part of my journey!
Happy 2021 and Happy Lunar New Year! In 2020, I was barely hanging on to my dear life and grace is what helped me to survive. When 2020 began, I chose the word “confidence” as my word of the year. Confidence has been something that I’ve wanted to achieve for a long time. I regained a little confidence the year after my dad passed away and I thought 2020 would be the perfect year to do gain more confidence. I believed that I was capable of overcoming my fears. In the past, I allowed my fears to take hold of me, but I was ready to conquer my fears by taking risks and trying new things in 2020. In January, I planned to accomplish this goal of facing my fears by identifying my fears, digging deeper into the root causes of my fears, creating an action plan, and taking action. With this plan, I was certain that my goal of gaining confidence would be attained.
Though I had great intentions and plan of living out a year of confidence, the pandemic soon hijacked my grand plans in March. As a result, I decided to change my word of the year to “grace.” I quickly realized that as much as I looked forward to becoming more confident, I needed more of God’s grace in 2020. With the stay at home orders and the fears of COVID-19, each day was mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. As the news highlighted COVID-19 cases rising everyday, I wonder if going out was even safe for normal activities like grocery shopping. My new normal included online grocery shopping. This meant I had to spray my grocery packaging with an alcohol spray or clean the packaging with an alcohol wipe before putting it away. Also, I hoped and prayed that the delivery person my didn’t have COVID-19. This was a tiring task to do every week. On top of that, I struggled especially with not having physical connection to friends and family. I longed for the day when we could hug and talk to each other without a mask. Instead, I met and conversed with friends and family online through a screen, which seemed endless.
Spiraling through the various stages of grief, God’s grace pulled me out of my emotional and mental pit. In order to be sane, I depended more on His strength instead of my own because there were so many unknowns. One of my friends invited me to a daily prayer group. Out of desperation, I joined, thinking only God can help me now. With a small group of friends, we connected with each other through a Zoom meeting for an hour each night and faithfully prayed for each other and the pandemic. This was my saving grace to connect with each other and to God.
Though I don’t understand why God allowed the pandemic to happen, I learned that I am not in control, but God is in control of all things. Last year, I wanted to be in control overcome my fear and accomplish my goals, but I failed to do so. I felt disappointed and defeated when that didn’t happen. However, when I let go of control and started praying everyday, I began to see more of God’s grace. I saw how He was loving and merciful by physically protecting my family, friends, and myself from COVID-19, as the virus spread rapidly throughout the nation. He showed me how to continue to have hope as I continued to pray everyday. I believe that through His grace for me, He helped me overcome the fear of the pandemic and find confidence through prayer.
