The holidays can be hard for those who have lost a loved one. They might be just trying to survive the holidays because the holidays may trigger loneliness and grief. On the other side, talking about loss can be a touchy and hard topic to bring up. As a result, some people assume that bringing up this topic in a conversation might cause more pain and sadness, so it’s easier to avoid the topic altogether. But, people have the right motives, but they’re not sure how to navigate this touchy subject.
I lost my dad five years ago. Even though it has been a while since my dad past away, I still feel the raw emotions and grief, which is magnified even greater during the holidays. Many of my friends and family don’t bring up my dad in conversation, but recently, a friend who knew I lost my dad mentioned about celebrating thanksgiving without my dad. I appreciated that my friend brought up my dad in our conversation because it helped me to stop and remember my dad. I admit that I forget about my dad as he’s out of sight, out of mind, and I’m busy with my own life that I don’t pause to remember him. Also, I assume my friends and family might feel awkward by mentioning it in conversation because it may evoke negative emotions. When my friend brought it up, I was triggered with some grief and tears. The truth is that I’d like others to bring up my dad more often in conversation because this is a way that I feel loved and cared for. I’m sure others who are in the same boat may feel similarly as I do, so I’d like to share about how you can love and care to your friend or family member who has lost a loved one.
Many people who have lost a loved one would like others to acknowledge their loved one. Even though that person no longer exists on earth, that person’s spirit is very much alive and it becomes reality when others ask about the loved one. The key is showing empathy to the person who has lost a loved one. Showing empathy means understanding how another person feels and sharing in their feelings. It is going a little deeper than having sympathy or feeling sorry for the person.
For example, a conversation starter may go something like this: “The holidays are coming up. I know thanksgiving can be difficult for you because your dad will not be able to physically be there. I want to let you know that you’re not alone and I’m here for you. How are you doing?” This conversation starter shows the person that he/she is seen and someone sincerely cares for the person. “How are you doing” is an open ended conversation starter to allow the other person to respond.
Hopefully, this conversation starter gives you ideas of how to form empathetic conversations. I would encourage you to have an open conversation with friends or family who has lost a loved one and ask how they are doing. Be bold in making a conversation about this hard topic during the holidays. Happy Thanksgiving! I’m thankful that you’re being brave to have difficult yet meaningful conversations with friends and family who have lost a loved one.
